Kiss the girl

Kiss the Girl
Date	4/29/26
Storyteller	Doug
Tier	Trainee
Player Characters	Arkes, Inari, Isgram Frostcrown, Leonard Hearth-home, Mahra Flamewalker, Theodore Leafchewer
Rewards	250xp, 1x Gift of Olives, 1x Everyneed pouch, x4 lover's knot, 150gp
Result	Success!
Author	Evan
Downtime	2 days

Associates: Arkes
Inari
Isgram Frostcrown
Leonard Hearth-home
Mahra Flamewalker
Theodore Leafchewer

We met up at Sir Egg's fertility clinic. A few of the members know each other from previous mission. Isgram starts by trying to make friends by sharing mead with the others while we wait for everyone to arrive.

Sir Egg's assistant, dressed in a white doctors coat greets us, and leads us inside. He offers us water due to the fact that we are clearly drinking mead first thing in the morning.

We wait a few minutes for Sir Egg to arrive. Sir egg, a 4 foot tall egg man arrives to greet us. He shakes everyone's hand and confuses/creeps out a few of the Associates. Theodore's Occultism check makes him believe that Sir Egg is possibly some kind of homunculus creature.

Sir egg was very, very, very excited to meet all the new associates. Sir egg explained a bit to us about his background. His mother was a prostitute, but had issues having children. With the help of a wizard she had a child. This ended up not working out exactly as expected, and resulted in Sir egg. Because of his origins, he decided to enter the profession of helping others have children.

Marc and Siobhan are his clients that we were helping out today.

They have an issues of expelling bodily fluids out of all orifices. It turned out they were cursed. They didn't realize until they were trying to have a child. After some investigations Sir Egg discovered that Siobhan's mother had a run in with a hag many years ago. The hag cursed her mother with an inability to ever carry any more children. She went to a witch to remove the curse, but the witch was unable to cure it, instead just moving it down a generation to Siobhan herself.

Since Siobhan was not the original person cursed, it is harder to cure, so Sir Egg wanted to use love magic to counteract the curse magic. To do so, he needed us to recreate the original scene where they fell in love to empower the ritual. He explained that the two fell in love during a camp raid by some devils.

He has managed to collect several Orts (flesh devil creatures) to recreate the scene. One person needs to be gravely wounded for the scene to be accurate. Sir egg also paid a devil to help with the reenactment. HE INFORMED ZEAL BEFOREHAND.

We are supposed to recreate the scene as accurately as possible. (matching health levels and other factors to the past events)

Sir Egg introduces us to the clients as we load onto carts and head to the ritual location. Sir Egg gets flustered trying to come up with a good love pun.

Marc and Siobhan are both human, but Siobhan has a greyish skin tone while Marc has lighter skin and blonde hair. They are both on the younger side (~mid 20s). There is some tension between the two as we meet them. Sir Egg reassures the couple before we head off to the ritual location, since the two are a bit embarrassed and nervous about the whole situation.

The party arrives at the ritual location. There are some flimsy tents, and a makeshift tower set up. It all looks very fragile. The battle is set up to begin with 9 orts, and he can send more if we need them to.

3 areas of tents set up. We are split up to the 3 spots with 2 of us in each tent area. Marc will begin on watch at the tower to simulate what happened previously. Marc will stay there throughout. The devil will shoot Marc once and then attack the rest of us. Siobhan needs to get to the tower after Marc is shot, and that is where she will kiss him.

We need to deal with the first wave of Orts, then another wave will arrive with the other devil who will shoot Marc. 2 of the Orts have explosives strapped to them that will explode when they die.

After preparing for the battle, we begin the ritual. To set the scene, we are mercenaries working for a merchant group. Someone sold the information of where we were and ambushed by Devils.

Ritual details

DC if we do nothing DC:80
Can use 2 hero points to reroll it.

Health goals we needed to hit:
Marc: Heavily injured <50% (out of 30hp)
Siobhan: Uninjured (Near full health)

Associates:
3 injured
2 Heavily injured
1 Unconscious

4 orts must survive (out of 11)
2 injured
2 heavily injured

Other Devil needs to be injured

Having met all but one of the ritual conditions, we successfully completed the ritual and lifted the curse from Siobhan.Inari and Mahra get caught up in the moment and kiss as well. Mahra learns that Inari's mouth tastes like ash. She has no problems with that. The ritual seems to also effect Mahra (rolled a 23) and Inari (rolled a 82) (no idea what the effects will be yet)

We then proceeded to kill the rest of the Devils. Siobhan and marc spend a lot of time kissing on the ground. Like a long time.

Sir Egg implies that either Mahra or Inari might have gotten pregnant from the ritual. He then proceeds to pay us for our work.

Rewards:
We all received 250xp.
Inari receives a "Gift of Olives".
Theodore received a "Everyneed pouch".
Mahra, Inari, Isgram, Leonard receive "lover's knot".
Everyone but Inari received 30gp.

Combat Quotes:
The two kinetic auras touched (its totally not gay)
Does any consent to me hitting the poison bomb?
Let me just get my level 20 ranger in here
I'm a bad Ort.
West? But Sir Egg they came from the east.
Your quarry has been slung.
I want to smack this ort with the other ort.
With how girthy this flesh is...
Grunting strength and barbarian sounds followed by the realization this might not have been the best option.
(Marc's terrible acting skills)
I'm about to be shot in the chest. I'm bracing.
(From the other side of the wall) Guys? Guys?
Ort, Ort, Ort.
I'm not paying you, we have insurance.
Marc is standing there arms out like Jesus.
Anything for you love. *Marc stabs himself*
walk it off champ.
He's orting, HE'S ORTING, (disappointed) he's orting.
Alright, let's impregnate this man.
Marc is laying on the ground, ready to receive.
"You gotta kiss the boy." Sir Egg.
I love you. Oh really? Shut up.
I would say, it's climaxing. Aren't we all.
And no bodily fluids that are unwanted.
The baby within marc's uterus grew 3 sizes that day.
"Mahra Freakwalker".
Egg man dancing in the distance.
Glowing cat arrives.
(warcry)LEONARD.
You got so close to some good old fashioned MPREG.
Only getting FPREG.